I’m married to a sports fanatic

A few weeks ago trauma hit my family. The Cowboys lost and my husband disappeared for a couple of weeks. He still came home from work every day but he wasn’t himself. He was vacant and angry, and obviously suffering from the recent tragic experience.

Seriously though, I thought he had lost his ever-loving mind. Then I talked to my brother, another Cowboys fan, and realized my hubby wasn’t alone. Men (and probably some women) all over the nation had lost their minds.

My brother got real deep on me. The conversation went something like this…

“Shannon I understand him [speaking of my husband]. I had to hell my wife that it had nothing to do with her but I was messed up and I’m still messed up. The Cowboys losing made me reflect on my life. If they had that good of a team and that good of a year and lost just like that, then what am I doing with my life? Since then I’ve been in a state of reflection. So I understand him.”

He was so serious but all I could do was… blank stare. Wow.

Since I’m a woman with breasts and a womb that bears children, you know, really important things, let me dumb my mind down for a minute and think testosterone so I can get this straight.

The Cowboys losing is really, really serious? Okay, got it.

Just in time for the 2017 Super Bowl, it’s important I share some things from my experience living with my Dad and two brothers (also sports fanatics) and now my hubby all these years. Maybe you non-fanatics will better understand “them” and you fanatics will realize how crazy this all is, ease up a bit and take a chill pill. Or two. Or four.

ONE
Women who aren’t sports fanatics enjoy sports too. We enjoy looking at those tight, sweaty bodies running back and forth. So don’t get mad if we grunt or moan or make googly eyes at the TV screen. It’s all for the love of the sport 😉

TWO
Fanatics, maybe try not to scream and yell and hit things if your team loses? Think about it this way. If you lost a big account at work and told LaBron James about it, do you think he’d jump up from his seat, start yelling, punch the air five times and then be upset for two weeks? Yeah no.

Sorry, it’s Lebron. Le not La. Oops.

THREE
Super Bowl is awesome and the commercials are really entertaining so I’ll definitely be watching the Super Bowl with you. And get excited because I’ll even cook something special. I may even watch the NBA Finals – well only the last game because I still don’t understand why they have to play so many games to figure out who wins – and I’ll try not to complain about the squeaky sounds the player’s sneakers make. What a horrible sound. The jury is still out about baseball and golf. Those games literally never end and put me to sleep.

Sorry I don’t cook something special for every big game. But the Finals and Sunday football every week is simply not a special occasion. It’s just another Sunday, not National Wings, Dip and Beer Day.

Would you like a sandwich?

FOUR
Don’t hold it against your lover if he or she doesn’t want to watch sports with you. Will you watch The Real Housewives with me for eight hours on a weekend? Will you sit through Pretty Woman and then Grease and promise to genuinely enjoy them? (Insert “I doubt it very seriously” face here.)

If watching the game with you is really important to you, express it but don’t expect us to read your minds. And eight hours of game watching is a bit much. How about a dedicated and passionate hour and 15 minutes or so?

FIVE
This one is really important. If your mate does decides to sit down and watch the game with you, don’t get upset if they ask questions about plays and calls. We didn’t learn the rules of the game at work this week. Be patient and explain nicely. Now, if she talks through all the important plays (I know, I know. All plays are important.), you may need to ask her to use her inside voice because I’m not a fanatic and know that is a big no no.

Girlfriends, don’t talk excessively while the game is on. And if his team loses, seriously, stop talking.

A WOMAN TO WOMAN BONUS TIP
Ladies, if your man is a fan of a team, get on board and become a fan of that team already! Why in the world would you want to go against a sports fanatic and the team he loves? That’s like throwing yourself to the bears. Bears are cute and cuddly and all but they are also scary when provoked. Get yourself a cute female jersey, be his personal cheerleader and “siss, boom, ba” for his team.

If you have a team that you simply won’t budge on that just so happens to be his rival, good luck with that, you crazy woman you.

Me? What teams do I like? Whatever my husband likes. It’s more peaceful that way.

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One thought on “I’m married to a sports fanatic

  1. Dannyell says:

    I love Pretty Woman and Grease (two of the best movies ever made). AND I am a sports fanatic, but I was happy for two weeks the Cowboys lost 😉 Only because I followed your bonus tip – my Hubby loves the Redskins lol

    Like

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