I was afraid I wouldn’t love my son as much as people said I would.
I had a glimpse into that deep love only parents knew when my 1st nephew was born. I loved him a way I had never loved a child before, and I was only a child myself.
But I didn’t have to raise him, be with him 24/7, change his diapers, wake in the middle of the night when he cried. I was just auntie that was there for the good, fun times.
My fear was replaced by deep love.
It started when he was in my belly. The flutters the doctor mentioned I would feel felt like mere butterflies or something bad I ate but when he kicked his first kick, it was amazing.
The love tripled, doubled, quadrupled when he was born. Seeing that little life I had literally created by eating all of the right foods, drinking ample amounts of water, taking my vitamins as I was told. I created him inside of me. How cool.
For months he would only look at me as the milk lady, the one who gave him that wonder milk from my body. Then, one day, he looked at me differently. His eyes smiled, he smiled. It was as if he knew me and loved me, deeply. He realized I was Mommy.
As the months passed and he grew, my love blossomed. I loved him so much it hurt. I gave him too many kisses, held him all the time, laughed, sang, talked in goofy sentences with made-up words – he made me happy.
I had to admit to myself. “They were right.” The love a parent has for his or her child is something you simply cannot describe. It’s a gift. A kiss from God, if you will.
Then there was a second child. I wanted a sibling for my son, and I wished and prayed I’d get my girl. Our wish was granted.
Would I love her as much as I do my son? Would she love me? I’m such a boys-girl. Can I even handle a little girl? How can I love two people as deeply as I love my son? I had doubts loving that deep twice would be possible.
But then she was born.
I give her too many kisses, talk to her constantly, hold her close, do anything to make her giggle. She makes me happy.
I’m in love with two kids. How beautiful is that. Love, over and over, is possible.