Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself to your kids? But you also feel immensely blessed to have children and wouldn’t change it for the world?
I was having one of those moments today.
After a week off of work after having surgery, I was back to the normal routine — wake up, get ready, get my daugther cleaned up, make breakfast, pack lunch, fuss at my son to eat faster, kiss my daughter, rush out of the door with my son, get him to school, drive to work, work all day, pick my son up, get home, kiss on my daughter, cook, feed the kids, eat in between doing other things, sit down for like 30 minutes, kiss my son, put my daughter to sleep, exhale…
Today, I wasn’t too excited to get back to the routine.
I felt a deep need to do something different. Something opposite of the norm. I imagined going to an outdoor cafe with my husband and sitting there all day people watching, drinking fruity drinks and eating amazing foods, not worried about the bill or any responsiblities. We’d ignore our cell phones and not think about work or our kids.
See, I’m a free spirit and before we had kids, we lived, ate out often, traveled, did spontaneous things. A daily routine that stays the same and repeats over and over gets to me at times. In those moments, I understand how people run away from everything. I’d never do it, but I understand how it can be done.
I’m at the age where I’m looking back and forward at the same time.
Back, recalling the good times and thinking about the things I may have done differently, wondering what would have been “if…” Forward, thinking of all the things I must do to live the life I was put here to live, and a little nervous at the thought of not getting there and looking back with regret.
Simply put, I’m trying to figure out to how to live the rest of my life without losing myself. I know it can be done, I’ve just got to find that sweet spot where it all falls into place.
Step one – It’s go time. I’ve got to get into the best shape of my life. I’ve been on the seesaw teeter-tottering for too long – in shape, out of shape, feeling good about myself, not. It’s got to stop. I’m going to keep working until I see that woman in the mirror that I envision in my head. That sexy woman with the boom, bang, pow!
Step two – I’ve got to get my finances in order. Too often I’m unable to do something because I don’t have enough money to. It’s wack. And I’m tired of it. I don’t need to be rich and famous but money can NOT be the thing that holds me back from doing what I want and need to do. So done with that mess.
Step three – I’ve got to find time for me. And for me and my husband to have moments where it’s just the two of us. Being a Mom is great, I love it, but I will lose myself if I can’t hold on to Shannon – that happy, outgoing gal who loves life. And my husband and I need ample time to just be the couple who fell in love and had fun. I deserve it. We deserve it.
I know living without losing is possible. It has to be. On our marks, get set, let’s go!!